Cost of Living

[coppertop]

Seems to me that a mom's role is to
' mother hen' her chicks cowman !!!!!

[rookie]

A family and a home require both partnres or parents to be there.

If they are not, like it or not , over time people can grow apart. F_S is right on his comments.

[coppertop]

Having both parents at home does not necessarily mean everything is going to be perfect !!!!

Both parents need to be committed to providing a nuturing home for thier children. If one parent's employment takes him or her away from the home for periods of time, they can still be a committed parent, and being away doesn't necessarily mean they and their spouse will grow apart.

[cswilson]

Doesn't absence make the heart grow fonder-I used to love leaving on a two or three day cattle trip because I got to kiss my wife good bye. Sorry to say in this world or Dr. Laura and Phil quick fixes and self help books there is no magic formula for marital success and raising kids.

[coppertop]

On this I agree with you cswilson.

I was just thinking that if we use the analagy that some folks have indicated on this post, both sets of parents could be raging drunks but as long as neither of them worked away from home, the kids should be enjoying living in paradise !! NOT !!!!

[farmers_son]

That analogy was never made and you know it.

The points that needs to be made is:

1) Some farms can support a family, some cannot and it is wrong to suggest no farm can support a family.
2) Money will not guarantee a happy marriage just like money will not guarantee happiness in general.
3) Lifestyle and personal living expenses are something that needs to be agreed upon and as such there will be quite a variation between families as goals and aspirations vary.
4) It is important to know what it costs to live but with the objective in mind to ensure that the money is being spent in a manner that meets the overall family goals not as a means of coercing the other partner to increase or decrease personal spending.
5) The critical success factor for farms is a strong marriage because a divorce not only breaks up the family but breaks up the farm in many cases. While for many the focus is on production, the real make or break is whether husband and wife can manage to work together as co owners of the farm and in the long term whether the children, if there are children, can take over from Mom and Dad and enjoy a lifestyle that suits them.
6) Off farm employment can offer cash flow advantages but ready availability of off farm work in an area can quickly get capitalized into land prices negating any true competitive advantage while creating extra work load and meaning time away from the family and the farm.

[coppertop]

Any additional workload will likely cause a certain amount of stress on the family unit, but if the farm family is already under pressure due to debt load that the farm can't handle then working off the farm may be the lessor of two evils.

Interstingly enough I had dealings with a seismic company a few years ago and the party chief was a farmer from Saskatchewan. He had a wife and five kids at home, and said that he worked away all winter, getting home for a week every month, and although he hated being away from his family, the extra money and the week off allowed them to have many special family activities that were impossible before.

It works for some and for others it likely causes problems but as I said previously finger pointing at the oil industry as a cause for marriage breakup just wasn't kosher !!!

[farmers_son]

Well I guess I feel that Crossfield_beef’s hypothesis that a farm cannot support a family any longer and that farmers should get off their butts is not kosher either. Likewise for the aside to the effect “ if you still have a wife after farming in this day and age.” Aren’t those unfair remarks?

If you took my comments for a slur on the oil industry and all the families that work in that industry then I am sorry. The benefit of this forum is our words are printed so you can scroll up the page and see that I did not say that. There has been a few unfortunate problems in our immediate area, possibly due to a lack of social support mechanisms for oil wives left at home.

I did say that the wives of the oil workers were very capable and were taking on a larger role on the farm.

[coppertop]

crossfield_beef may have been speaking tongue in cheek about having a wife left for all I know. I thought you were pretty rough on him, and perhaps his comments rubbed you the wrong way and I understand that.

I do think that people need to walk in one anothers shoes on this site as well as in our everyday lives.

I personally don't care how many cattle someone has, I appreciate the willingness of people to share their situations and struggles with the rest of us.

As far as marriage breakups go, I don't know what sort of social support mechanisms would help people stay married. If the committment isn't there from both partners there is no support mechanism that will kick life back into a dead horse. I am not a fan of counselling, I have seen it cause more problems than do good, so if people can't work their problems out or avoid allowing small problems to multiply, then they have a choice to make, either dig in and work at their relationship or separate. Either way it costs, in dollars and cents and in the adverse effect on everyone involved.

[farmers_son]

CB was not talking tongue in cheek when he said "So farmers-- GET OFF OF YOUR BUTTS" And yes such a comment rubbed me the wrong way and should rub any self respecting farmer/rancher the wrong way. I work hard, I work long hours and I make my living off of my farm. I do not need anyone telling me to get off of my butt or make even tongue in cheek suggestions that my wife is looking wistfully out the window. And if you thought I was being a little rough on CB, I thought I was being restrained. Maybe it comes down to pride, pride in what I do, pride in who I am and pride in my family. Have we as an industry lost our self respect and pride to the extent that we would tolerate those kind of comments?

I thought CB's comments were absolutely out of line and I do not care how much he spends a month.