10 Reasons Maybe Why CWB Didn't Issue Final Payment

[parsley]

Could these have been the reasons?

1. CWB Marketing Dept got confused and sold all crops in Mexican pesos instead of Canadian dollars.

2. CWB hired a uiniligual (Fijiian) Marketing team, and traditional buyers couldn't understand them.

3. Entire CWB Marketing Department got shut down with both the virus and the worm.

4. CWB Directors playing Duplicate Bridge didn't have enough time to attend meetings to vote to issue payments.

5. CWB accidentally presold, by fax, the entire 2003 crop in 2008 because the 3 looked like an 8, and they had to buy it back.

6. CWB Accounting Department kept the cash from the pooling accounts in plastic ice cream pails, and they accidently got thrown out when they disinfected the smelly gymn lockers.

7. CWB Buyback Department had a bad hair day and accidently bought back all their 2004 contracts.

8. The Federal government couldn't top up the pools because they needed the money for Paul Martin's Canadian Steamship Lines.

9. The crops were too dry; the crops were too wet.

10. CWB Communications Department needs to take a huge drift of cash from the pooling accounts for 2004.

Parsley

[wedino]

#11. The cwb wanted to influence the director vote in Nov. 2002

[AdamSmith]

Reason #11

CWB salesman sold 2mmt for 3 magic beans

Reason #12

Professional Facilitator fees for bi-monthly naval gazing sessions are priced in the "major overhaul" area.

Reason #13

Lawyers, Lawyers, and more Lawyers.

Reason #14

A certain Sask. Director thought a good diversification strategy in the fall of 2002 would be to buy shares Martha Stewart Living. And because almost all directors and staff believe that the CWB can do no wrong they had to do it because it was a CWB idea and all CWB ideas are brilliant.

Reason #15

One night after seven martinis a CWB salesman promised an Asian wheat buyer that the CWB would give them 1000t of free wheat every time Prime Minister Jean Chretien said something stupid in public. 250,000t later they had to renege on the deal.

Reason #16

One word: Incompetence


Reason #17

The word finally got out in the wheat trade, that in order to buy from the CWB at the lowest possible price all you have to do is offer the CWB salesman a stick of Juicy Fruit and immediately accompany him on a brisk walk. Favourable terms are always assured while employing this buying strategy.

Reason #18

1943 prices from an antiquated 1943 institution.

Reason #19

After years of paying U of S economists to blow the CWB horn there was nothing left for the farmer.

Reason #20

Three Words: Blood Sucking Parasites.

[TOM4CWB]

Reason 21...

A certain CWB director convinced the CWB... if we grew less wheat... it would make marketing much easier...

The new implementation plan is simple... pay us less and less...

So we grow less and less...

Which allows the CWB to lay off some staff... and look real sweet... doing less and less again... getting a lower price which creates less and less wheat and barley.... till soon the CWB will have nothing to do (NO MORE GRAIN TO SELL)

BUT

Churn those billions... make and raise performance bonuses for CWB directors and Managers...

until they could then have the 50mil churning revenues all to themselves!

[TOM4CWB]

Reason 22;

The CWB got into a legal battle over the ownership of Uranus.

CWB legal staff believed they had a monopoly on URANUS, a beautiful celestial body we all call our own… in the outer reaches of our system...

But BUYURANUS.com copyright lawyers argued the CWB had already lost URANUS

And then had to BUYURANUS back… at great expense to the Wheat POOL Accounts!

Speaking of buy-backs… Parsley and I will buy a piece of Uranus back for you...

For the best reason the CWB lost our butts on the 2002-03 pool!