CV19 difficultly

[malleefarmer]

She was in good spirits on phone last night going in for meeting with her and doctor at 11 am

Crazy if police pull me over have to give valid reason while I’m travelling apparently

Resigned to the fact she gonna have to go to old folks home

Had mandatory blood tests xrays and not sure what else

Fill ya in tonight our time almost 7 am here

[malleefarmer]

Met with doctor today interesting almost diametrically opposed conversation hmmm sounds like agriville.....


Anyway doc met with mum and myself. Doc commented you mother is throwing in towel.
Said she’s got all her marbles, good lungs strong heart, good blood pressure etc etc except she lost strength in her legs and can barley walk due to arthritis etc. She was adamant she shouldn’t be giving up.

I said well yes to a degree but she’s 89 very active still in her garden 2 weeks ago but that’s all gone now, she will be bed ridden and she cannot handle that, she just want to drift away and be with my dad husband upstairs. It’s her prerogative.

Doc said she could go for years with proper treatment. I said she doesn’t want that.

You guys might think I’m a prick but following a elderly woman’s wishes who happens to be my mother she want a dignified exit her way.

A week ago before any of this happened she discussed her funeral with me.

Old people “just know” when there time is up.

Heavy conversation guys but real life, sorry, bit different from charades on agriville at times.

[farmaholic]

Sometimes we need to be aware of what the person who is suffering wants. Do we want to keep them alive for our sake or theirs? I think it is harder for us to let go than them. In alot of cases they are resigned to the fact they are ready to die than we who are left behind are.

Take care mallee

[the big wheel]

Nobody here has the authority, the right or knowledge enough to judge your actions in this kind of situation.
God bless you and mother. What ever happens don’t torment yourself over decisions made if those decisions are made out of love for each other.

[burnt]

This is one of the dilemmas created by modern medical "advances" - keeping one alive beyond what was once considered normal.

And it's a tough one for a power of attorney, which I was for my Dad, a man of very few words. But he did make that one thing clear - don't try to prolong my life.

So when he encountered complications when he fell and broke his hip, it was decision time, along with my older brother who was co-PA. What a strange, conflicting feeling it leaves within one's soul.

But watching our debilitated mother struggle terribly at times for 3 years from after effect of a stroke, it clear that saving a physical life is not always a good decision.

Dad was 83, had been well up until then, drove his car the day before he tripped and did the damage. He died with as much dignity as one could expect.

My daughter the nurse, who works in a bush hospital in Africa, doesn't face this problem. Not at all. Her biggest struggle is watching infants and children die from diseases which are easily treatable here at home...

I am thinking of you and you mother today, Mallee.

[Misterjade9]

We don't usually have the ability to write the ending of our own story. The power in doing so is immense, it is always sad to see a loved one go, it will be two years in May when my dad passed away and I still miss his daily phone calls to see what was happening, probably always will. We were burying stone piles and cleaning up bush rows and within 24 hours of being on the the cat he was dead, quick no suffering. He was 84.

This winter in our area we have lost four people of that generation all neighbors, 2 had been in long term Alzheimer care not knowing who or where they were for years, 1 died in his chair watching curling, his favorite sport, and the last one was able to write his own ending. He had battled with cancer for years and this winter it came back, he picked a day for the end of his story and left with dignity.

[blackpowder]

My mother worked as hard to die as she did in life. Like a dog.
3rd cancer bout in 30 years. After two breasts this one in ear neck throat face.
20 hr operation including reconstruction. Didn't get it all anyway.
Finally wound up in local home town hospital. The bastards kicked her out because she didn't qualify for acute care beds. Staff was crying. Moved her to a long term facility where she was scared, traumatized and miserable the last 2-1/2 weeks.
The cemetery is full of regrets and one of mine will always be not fighting harder to keep her in home hospital.
I tried everything at the time except outright civil disobedience. Still mad I didn't.

Bright side is we had always talked.
I was older. I feel as if there was no more to say. (Big history) Unlike Dad who couldn't communicate anyway and at the time I was much younger. His illness only lasted 3 weeks.
No advice. Let the system know who's boss.

[LEP]

Met with doctor today interesting almost diametrically opposed conversation hmmm sounds like agriville.....


Anyway doc met with mum and myself. Doc commented you mother is throwing in towel.
Said she’s got all her marbles, good lungs strong heart, good blood pressure etc etc except she lost strength in her legs and can barley walk due to arthritis etc. She was adamant she shouldn’t be giving up.

I said well yes to a degree but she’s 89 very active still in her garden 2 weeks ago but that’s all gone now, she will be bed ridden and she cannot handle that, she just want to drift away and be with my dad husband upstairs. It’s her prerogative.

Doc said she could go for years with proper treatment. I said she doesn’t want that.

You guys might think I’m a prick but following a elderly woman’s wishes who happens to be my mother she want a dignified exit her way.

A week ago before any of this happened she discussed her funeral with me.

Old people “just know” when there time is up.

Heavy conversation guys but real life, sorry, bit different from charades on agriville at times.

As I stated before, I have recently been through this with my mother in law and an Aunt that I had power of attorney for. It is difficult in the moment, wrestling with decisions that no one wants to make. But later when we reflected on things, we knew they both lived a good life. In fact they were both matter of fact about it and ready for the next step.

The best you can do is advocate for their wishes and keep them comfortable. Even in the end we found little memories that we both chuckled about and I will remember always.

[dalek]

You’re far from alone if it helps any. A friend of ours in her 80s has been on a ventilator in a coma with COVID for 18 days now with no sign of improvement. Yesterday a nurse set up a Skype chat on her phone so her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren could say their goodbyes even though she’s unconscious.

[woodland]

Mallee our thoughts are with you. We went through this with my grandma who we lost 13 months ago (although the dementia started taking her before that). I can only imagine how the Covid situation would add stress and complicate the situation. If you need to talk or email I’m sure any of us would be honoured to do so in return. It’s lonelier than normal out in the middle of nowhere especially.

Take care and keep us posted. 🍀

[malleefarmer]

Guess I’m stubborn frustrated hey maybe dumb.

Have to go intommorow meet with docs brief phone chat today.

They want a ct scan I said she had one in November hips buggered both of them which they wouldn’t operate on when she was 80;to old.

So now there talking maybe keyhole surgery on her spine if there is a problem or it could be this could be that, she’s good except her legs we wanna get her going again.

Well why didn’t you fix her hips up almost 10 yrs ago I thought but bit my tongue.

So it’s all out to get her going which hey medically it’s good but morally she’s stuffed and physically.

She got I’d say 90% of her marbles just a bit forgetful.

Anyway thanks for your thoughts not often we’re all on the same page seems we’re are with this one as we all have had or got aged parents.

I guess if someone’s sick of the topic they will let me know.

[blackpowder]

As long as you feel like talking I'll listen.
Some things universal.