Interesting Arrangement

[Maver]

I've heard prenups become worthless with time. A judge will tear it up if the values that were used become to out dated and lopsided.

Spousal support payments are the ones that get me pissed off. She can decide to leave you but doesn't have to leave your income , WTF?

[blackpowder]

It's a legal partnership.
If there are big income differences before during or after. Precedence.
Also, if she gave up a good career or education for same.
Unwed cohabitation risk depends on the length of time and the mingling of finances and income.
Don't share toothbrushes or any expenses.

[AlbertaFarmer5]

Lots of Good advice here. But for the most part preaching to the choir.

Where is the average young single man thinking with the wrong organ supposed to learn this information before it's too late? I can't see that fitting in with the PC school curriculum very well.

[Blaithin]

I’m not saying I agree with the split down the middle idea. There’s no reason a woman should marry into a farming family and be entitled to a half or even a quarter of assets. Prenups should be an absolute for everyone in my mind, no matter their careers.

BUT

If and when I were to get married, what’s expected? I have a job. I’m currently working towards my own acreage. I have a herd of cattle, a flock of chickens, a hassle of barn cats, etc. So I decide I want to spend my life with a man, now what?

I move.

Hopefully we’d work together to try and fit my life in with his but I still have a life’s worth of stuff. Something is going to give. I’ll lose possessions because they can’t all fit in one house. I may be moving far enough I can’t keep my job. Some, or all of, my animals may have to go. I may be even moving out of my local community where I know people and where my friends are.

The man is rarely the one, especially in farming scenarios, who disrupts his life and moves. Yeah it can be managed to rent out my place, or sell it. Yeah there’s ways to work it out. But it’s still an overwhelming scenario. I’m not sure men ever really think of that part. Even in a well oiled partnership, a woman is usually giving up a lot to get there, and not just monetary possessions.

Just apply it to yourselves right now. A quick what if scenario. What if you met someone and had to move to her, how much would you be giving up and relying on her.

Then there’s the awful situations of things going down the shitter. I’ve had friends on that precipice and the biggest thing that stops it, is how can they do it? They’re moms, they’ve had no job for years because they’re at home raising the kids. I don’t know their bank situations but even if stuff isn’t a joint account, they haven’t worked much, they have little to no money. How the heck can they leave?! What’s rent these days. What’s their vehicle and it’s payments. Who’s going to hire them, most employers don’t like big gaps in resumes, so they’re stuck at minimum wage. What’s the childcare costs. Sitting there trying to figure this stuff out is also hugely overwhelming.

A woman gives up a lot and then faces an enormous obstacle to leave if it comes down to that.

No, that doesn’t mean we are entitled to half of millions of dollars of assets, but we are usually the ones who have given up our life and shaped it to the man. Is it any wonder when faced with losing that relationship it’s called starting life over. Many of us need too.

Nobody wants to go into a relationship or marriage being pessimistic but there needs to be some reality. Separation is costly for both sides, no matter what.

[AlbertaFarmer5]

I have a job. I’m currently working towards my own acreage. I have a herd of cattle, a flock of chickens, a hassle of barn cats, etc.

That sounds like a personal ad, aimed at every farmer ever. Please send pictures of chickens and cows...

Thanks for adding the view from the other perspective. I get reminded regularly of the sacrifices my wife made by moving half was around the world, and giving up a world class career and a business, to chase cows and raise kids in the middle of nowhere with perpetual winter.

[farmaholic]

Two situations or scenarios are seldom the same.
So in my opinion no steadfast set of rules can apply to everyone!
Like we kinda have today.
Too many immeasurable factors.

Maybe businesses need to be completely separate and apart from private life.

How many spouses or their family of origins would be able to invest the cash(or some sort of equivelant asset value) into an appraised business to make it 50/50 from the start? Why should one person or their family be expected to risk possible decades of asset accumulation or growth if the partner or their family isn't?

[Blaithin]

That sounds like a personal ad, aimed at every farmer ever. Please send pictures of chickens and cows...

Thanks for adding the view from the other perspective. I get reminded of the sacrifices my wife made by moving half was around the world, and giving up a world class career and a business, to chase cows and raise kids in the middle of nowhere.

Photos of cows should always be included. Ad or no ad!

[farmaholic]

My Ghetto cows to "buy in".....

[farmaholic]

....a thread on the "business of love". Or lust?

[Blaithin]

Well you didn’t woo your wife with cows... unless she really wanted to help them!