Les Brost
Source: Calgary Herald
Date: February 19, 2007
Edition Name: Final
Section: The Editorial Page
Page: A14
Dear Prime Minister Harper:
Me and the boys down at the Auction Market are true-blue conservatives.
Heck,
we're so conservative we even wear blue underwear (well, mostly blue).
We watch the political hoedown in Ottawa real careful, and lately we're
getting
worried about 'Canada's new government.'
It seems to be getting off track and some folks are starting to wonder if
your
crew is really up to the job.
We're so concerned that Coyotepaws and I called a special Saturday morning
meeting of the Auction
Market Cowboys to discuss the situation and come up with our best advice.
I was elected chief note-taker, and had a heck of a time keeping up, for
the
boys were keener than a fresh rooster in a penful of lonely hens.
Anyhow, here's some Auction Market wisdom for you:
- Don't make promises you can't keep
This is real important. A lot of folks believed you when you promised that
a
Conservative government would never tax income trusts. Those people are
madder
than blue blazes right now.
Even an ex-school trustee like me is smart enough to know that you never
say
never in politics.
In the competition for boneheaded political promises, the income-trust
pledge
even beats the promise to Quebecois to fix Canada's 'fiscal imbalance.'
- Don't throw dirt -- you only lose ground
Those ads attacking Stephane Dion are dumber than my mother-in-law's
dachshund.
Attacking a geeky-looking guy like Dion just makes you look like a big
bully --
especially to female voters.
If you and your gang are on the right track, you don't have to worry about
Dion.
If you're not, get your act together. People want to know what you're for,
rather than what you're against.
- Don't hang out with losers
You seem to like the "special relationship" you have with U.S. President
George
W. Bush. Heck, he even calls you 'Steve.'
That puzzles us a lot, because most Canadians see G.W. Bush as one as of
the
worst presidents in American history. His poll numbers with American voters
are
around his ankles. No Canadian leader ever went too far wrong standing up
to the
Americans.
Another iffy relationship is your connection with Brian Mulroney.
As an oldtime Reformer, you'll remember why Preston Manning started the
Reform
party in the first place. Western Canadians were disgusted with the smarmy
manipulation of Mulroney. Those old Reformers must darn near lose their
dentures
when Mulroney boasts about your regular chats.
- Ride Your Studs and Lose the Duds
Your cabinet has some good timber, and it's got some punky, knot-filled
stuff
that wouldn't build a corral for gophers. Jim Prentice is the best chance
we've
had in a generation for finding solutions to the heart-wrenching
difficulties
faced by too many of our First Nations people.
Jim Flaherty has done a solid job as finance minister. After all, he wasn't
the
guy who promised, 'No tinkering with the income trusts.' Minister of Public
Safety Stockwell Day has really surprised everyone with his strong, steady
performance -- especially when he stood up to the pushy American ambassador
in
the Maher Arar affair.
You've also got a couple of duds. Gordon O'Connor is a flat-out disaster as
defence minister. He spent billions to buy airplanes that the military
wanted to
lease for millions. A lot of Canadians wonder if his decision is connected
to
his former work as a defence industry lobbyist.
Agriculture Minister Chuck Strahl has completely mishandled the Canadian
Wheat
Board file. While most of the guys agree with Strahl's objectives, they
figure
that his heavy-handed tactics have actually increased wheat board support
in
Saskatchewan and Manitoba. Both O'Connor and Strahl need to get moved down
to
the cull pen pronto.
That's the product of our special Saturday morning meeting, Mr. Harper --
the
full load of political advice from the Auction Market Cowboys. We hope you
find
some kernels in the chaff of our musings and harvest a solid majority in
the
next election.
Yours truly,
The Old Prairie Dog
P.S. One more thing, and it's very, very important. If Jason Kenney ever --
ever
-- wears a cowboy hat in public again, we will all vote Liberal. That's a
promise we'll keep.
Les Brost is a recovering rancher and proud Old Prairie Dog with deep roots
in
southern Alberta.
He can be reached at www.lesbrost.com
Source: Calgary Herald
Date: February 19, 2007
Edition Name: Final
Section: The Editorial Page
Page: A14
Dear Prime Minister Harper:
Me and the boys down at the Auction Market are true-blue conservatives.
Heck,
we're so conservative we even wear blue underwear (well, mostly blue).
We watch the political hoedown in Ottawa real careful, and lately we're
getting
worried about 'Canada's new government.'
It seems to be getting off track and some folks are starting to wonder if
your
crew is really up to the job.
We're so concerned that Coyotepaws and I called a special Saturday morning
meeting of the Auction
Market Cowboys to discuss the situation and come up with our best advice.
I was elected chief note-taker, and had a heck of a time keeping up, for
the
boys were keener than a fresh rooster in a penful of lonely hens.
Anyhow, here's some Auction Market wisdom for you:
- Don't make promises you can't keep
This is real important. A lot of folks believed you when you promised that
a
Conservative government would never tax income trusts. Those people are
madder
than blue blazes right now.
Even an ex-school trustee like me is smart enough to know that you never
say
never in politics.
In the competition for boneheaded political promises, the income-trust
pledge
even beats the promise to Quebecois to fix Canada's 'fiscal imbalance.'
- Don't throw dirt -- you only lose ground
Those ads attacking Stephane Dion are dumber than my mother-in-law's
dachshund.
Attacking a geeky-looking guy like Dion just makes you look like a big
bully --
especially to female voters.
If you and your gang are on the right track, you don't have to worry about
Dion.
If you're not, get your act together. People want to know what you're for,
rather than what you're against.
- Don't hang out with losers
You seem to like the "special relationship" you have with U.S. President
George
W. Bush. Heck, he even calls you 'Steve.'
That puzzles us a lot, because most Canadians see G.W. Bush as one as of
the
worst presidents in American history. His poll numbers with American voters
are
around his ankles. No Canadian leader ever went too far wrong standing up
to the
Americans.
Another iffy relationship is your connection with Brian Mulroney.
As an oldtime Reformer, you'll remember why Preston Manning started the
Reform
party in the first place. Western Canadians were disgusted with the smarmy
manipulation of Mulroney. Those old Reformers must darn near lose their
dentures
when Mulroney boasts about your regular chats.
- Ride Your Studs and Lose the Duds
Your cabinet has some good timber, and it's got some punky, knot-filled
stuff
that wouldn't build a corral for gophers. Jim Prentice is the best chance
we've
had in a generation for finding solutions to the heart-wrenching
difficulties
faced by too many of our First Nations people.
Jim Flaherty has done a solid job as finance minister. After all, he wasn't
the
guy who promised, 'No tinkering with the income trusts.' Minister of Public
Safety Stockwell Day has really surprised everyone with his strong, steady
performance -- especially when he stood up to the pushy American ambassador
in
the Maher Arar affair.
You've also got a couple of duds. Gordon O'Connor is a flat-out disaster as
defence minister. He spent billions to buy airplanes that the military
wanted to
lease for millions. A lot of Canadians wonder if his decision is connected
to
his former work as a defence industry lobbyist.
Agriculture Minister Chuck Strahl has completely mishandled the Canadian
Wheat
Board file. While most of the guys agree with Strahl's objectives, they
figure
that his heavy-handed tactics have actually increased wheat board support
in
Saskatchewan and Manitoba. Both O'Connor and Strahl need to get moved down
to
the cull pen pronto.
That's the product of our special Saturday morning meeting, Mr. Harper --
the
full load of political advice from the Auction Market Cowboys. We hope you
find
some kernels in the chaff of our musings and harvest a solid majority in
the
next election.
Yours truly,
The Old Prairie Dog
P.S. One more thing, and it's very, very important. If Jason Kenney ever --
ever
-- wears a cowboy hat in public again, we will all vote Liberal. That's a
promise we'll keep.
Les Brost is a recovering rancher and proud Old Prairie Dog with deep roots
in
southern Alberta.
He can be reached at www.lesbrost.com
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