Need Advice Helping a Friend Deal With a Loss

[sofa.king]

Cops may not be a good idea I'm no expert at all I just don't want somebody to hurt themselves. Someone in this position does need some professional help. It's too bad there is such a stigma attached to mental health because there is no need for it.

[grefer]

Unfortunately there is no formula that fits everyone. Someone to listen over and over and over to him is a start. A good counsellor is very valuable as well but it may take a few until he finds the right one for him. A counselor that works for one person may be exactly the wrong person for another. If there is a compassionate freinds chapter near by they can be a huge help but he will need someone to go with him initially. It will help him understand that terrible things happen to good people everyday and that he is not alone in his grief. Good for you for trying to help. God bless you both.

[macdon02]

Rather then call RCMP is probably better to call a councilor and explain the situation. That person will get you headed in the right direction. Farm stress line might be ok but I'd venture out of the regular travel circle to keep it more discreet. Essentially your going behind his back but caring for him at the same time. He just isn't "through" it. The stress from something like this is indescribable. He's sleeping but he isn't, his mind is running the entire time, night sweats, dry mouth, loss of focus. The last two seem minute but they are tells. It gets to the point you cant pull a wrench to remove a bolt because you just can't understand why you'd want to. Chances are he's never ever felt this way in his lifetime an extremely unique and bizarre way of living. It's the fact there's nothing to compare it to that is so scary. If experiencing it you likely don't remember ever feeling "normal" as its just the way it is. You want it to end and a return to normal but it's just a **** of a hole. I don't know exactly how you get out, it just happens. Imo is a shift in focus from that moment to the next day. You need to get him to look ahead. Kind of like boat shopping. Spur of the moment stuff helps. Drive into his yard and tell him you want to look at a piece of iron or vehicle or whatever and insist he comes along because you value his input. Make sure it's a long enough drive he can open up if he chooses to buy don't push it and yet short enough there isn't too much awkward silence because there will be. It might and likely will take multiple attempts to get him to go with you but keep trying.

[Oliver88]

It sounds like Ridgerunner is a great friend.
Lots of good suggestion on here from smart people.....only suggestion I might add is could a church minister/reverend or one of his trusted relatives help with the grieving process?
Farm stress line could be effective too?
Would local hospital/health region have suggestions?


Take care.

[burnt]

Macdon has very good and helpful thoughts. Well worth listening to.

[walterm]

PTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder there is some very good help out there. It takes a special trained counselor. It is the same thing that wrecks many lives and kills many of our EMS, Police and military. I could maybe get you some names of people that can help, but not on here gets pretty personal. Not sure where you are at but my son is Executive Director of Alberta Paramedic Association and has done lots of work on PTSD he has helped set up a group of counselors that are trained specifically in the field to treat symptoms. Wealth of knowledge out there it is finding and getting it.

[westernvicki]

Grief is a very private journey that can't be rushed, and may never totally end, and everyone has their own course. A year is not a long time at all. Remember the loss, share the memory. Never forget that pain of the loss to your friend. It is all we can do for those who will ever live with such an immense loss.

[Casered]

Grief is a very private journey that can't be rushed, and may never totally end, and everyone has their own course. A year is not a long time at all. Remember the loss, share the memory. Never forget that pain of the loss to your friend. It is all we can do for those who will ever live with such an immense loss.

I agree wth your thoughts Vicki. One year is almost no time at all for a Greving father. After a decade it gets a little easier. It's so hard for people dealing with loss especially the first few years. I had a very close family member lose their son a few years ago. It absolutely broke our hearts. Although the pain of loss cuts into us deep and leaves a big scar for the rest of our lives the strength we posses deep within us always amazes me. People learn to carry on with the pain. As I get older in life I see this pain is a part of life. My heart goes out to anyone experiencing great loss. I know the feeling of loss all to well.

[RidgeRunner]

I agree wth your thoughts Vicki. One year is almost no time at all for a Greving father. After a decade it gets a little easier. It's so hard for people dealing with loss especially the first few years. I had a very close family member lose their son a few years ago. It absolutely broke our hearts. Although the pain of loss cuts into us deep and leaves a big scar for the rest of our lives the strength we posses deep within us always amazes me. People learn to carry on with the pain. As I get older in life I see this pain is a part of life. My heart goes out to anyone experiencing great loss. I know the feeling of loss all to well.

I want to thank you all for your replies, they have been very helpful. I have taken a lot of the things that have been said as great advice that will hopefully help in this situation. The above quote is a great finale to this thread. I can see now that there is no short term fix, and dealing with this loss is going to take time. Allowing him to talk, share stories and feelings while being supportive is going to be our jobs from now on, all the while trying to show him all the good things that are still in his life....his remaining family. Appreciate it, RR.

[westernvicki]

RR it is friends like you that make life worthwhile at any stage, in every challenge. You and those like you are golden. Take care.

[FarmerSmuck]

I lost a child at 6 months of age and then lost my mother a month later. And my father passed away a year after my mom. And just lost my mother in law. Life isn't fair and I have major issues dealing with all the grief. I'am lucky to have two girls and a farm that keep me very very busy. I dread the day that life slows down and I have time to think.